Between Life and Death

So January was a huge month for our family. It is the month of my birth so that is always exciting. It is the start of a new year with new hope and new dreams. It is our chance to start over, and it is the beginning of new things. As well as there is hope for spring. The cold and the dreary are right there, but just around the corner will be the April showers into May flowers. So January is a month that I absolutely love.

This January was no different. As you read about in my last blog, if you haven’t that is ok, but stop now and go read it. Hahaha, no let me do a recap. At the beginning of this January 2021, I had the pleasure of speaking to a group of young people and challenging them to Embrace the Unknown. So this January was starting off with a bang. But there was something bigger just around the corner.

We had set the date. It was about to happen. The birth of our fifth child, a baby girl, an answered prayer, and probably our last little one was about to be born. We had the date set for January 25th, and she made it to that date. My wife and I were in such excitement and anticipation for what was next. We were ready to have our little one in our arms, and she didn’t disappoint. She came into this world with a bang.

Our last three pregnancies all ended in a c-section to have our little ones born. This one was no different. You see we were used to the procedure and how things were going to go. My wife is an amazing person, and her body just goes through so much to give birth, but she endures all. She keeps pushing through. This one though took a turn for the worse.

But let me start from the beginning.

And I do have to warn that is may get a little graphic. So if you don’t want that please stop reading here.

We get to the hospital at 5 am, yes you read that right. 5 AM! I was tired, my wife was tired. We couldn’t sleep the night before. There was this anticipation, this excitement. So the earliness didn’t matter. We were ready.

They bring us to our room and we go through the normal processes. Getting changed, getting all of our stuff ready for the big day, and then getting all the IVs placed and all the medical stuff done.

Everything is going as planned. We meet with the doctor. We meet all the nurses, and we talk to the person in charge of pain management. We are ready to go. They take her back and prepare the OR before they let me go in and we have this baby.

As I wait patiently in the hallway to go back, I am praying, please take care of my wife. Please let my baby be healthy. Please let this all go so smoothly. Isn’t that what every husband and father wants? For their family to be taken care of? To have the smoothest and simplest life? To live a life full of fun, adventure, and joy? Well, that is what I want my family to go through.

So we move forward and I am able to get back to the OR. It all seems normal. My wife is in great spirits and everyone seems like things are good to go. No worries whatsoever. I do look over at the container that is holding the blood that is coming from my wife’s body. It seems like a lot, but no one seems concerned, and it has been 7 years since have had delivered a baby. When I say “we” I really mean my wife. I didn’t do much. Hahaha.

So everything is going well and then the baby comes out. She is blue and has this stuff all over her. But she is BEAUTIFUL! I get to hold her and cut the cord. It is so amazing. For my other children, I sort of was nervous and standoffish during their birth. Since this was going to be the last one, I didn’t want to miss out. So much joy. My wife is doing great, baby is born everything is awesome.

We get back to our room and we are all resting. The doctors and nurses are coming in and out checking upon us and taking measurements on baby. Just making sure that we are progressing well.

Then it happens. The nurse comes in to check on my wife to make sure her body is healing, and she notices there is a lot of blood near where my wife gave birth. She reaches in and pulls out some pretty large blood clots.

Now I have a really weak stomach, so I am trying to look away so I don’t pass out, but I just can’t. This is my wife. I need to make sure she is ok. The nurse says this isn’t uncommon and that we will keep an eye on it, but that everything should be fine.

Well, thirty minutes go by and she comes back. Still more clots. She calls in the doctor on staff during this time, and he comes in and seems quite a bit more worried about what is going on. He gets all the clots out and then says we should be in the clear, but that he will be back in a bit to make sure.

An hour later, more clots, and more doctors and more nurses. It is apparent now that something is wrong. I am nervous, my wife is nervous, and I am also starting to get upset. Why are they not doing anything? Why are they just waiting? Why are they not intervening? What are we going to do?

Our doc is called in, they talk it over, and it is decided that my wife will need another surgery to stop the bleeding and clotting. That this is more serious than what we thought, and that she has lost WAY too much blood.

Now I am scared. This is my best friend, my soul mate, my companion. My heart is aching and I just want it to stop. Not only that, but I can see the fear and concern in my wife’s eyes. It hurt SOOO bad. And what could I do? What was I to do? I mean I just gave this message on Embracing the Unknown, and here we are, in the unknown. What am I doing, being nervous and not embracing what is going on? I was fearful, I was tired, I was scared.

They take my wife back and hand me, my new baby girl. I sit in the hospital chair, turn on a home remodel show, hold my baby, and just bawl my eyes out. Crying out to God to please keep her safe, to guide the doctors, and to take care of her. I have never hurt so bad in my life. Never ever this bad.

This goes on for about an hour. With nurses coming in and out, and me trying to talk and be a normal human being and not a complete wreck. I tried, but I just couldn’t. My pastor calls me and prays with me. My friends text me, I text them. I was not in a good place.

After this hour the doc comes in and says the procedure went well, and they believe we are on the mends. That this is the best-case scenario, and though we are not out of the woods, it is looking good.

Fast forward two days later, and we are going home. The docs got it right. They took care of the issue and helped save my wife’s life. God answered my prayers, and I am here to tell you, we made it. But there is something that I got in the moment and learned from this experience.

And that is, life is so fragile. It is the greatest gift that we are given, and that it can come and go just like that. I titled this blog post “Between life and Death” because, during that hour of turmoil as I hold my baby girl while my wife is getting surgery done to save her life, I realized that life is so valuable.

Here I am with this brand-new life in my hands. This is supposed to be the happiest moment of my life. That we just made life through creation and the creation process that a God that loves us has made for us. This little thing in my arms is breathing and moving and crying and pooping. It is an amazing process and there is nothing like new life. It is so precious and so small and so pure. Life, new life, is an amazing thing.

At the same point, in the same moment, my wife is fighting for her life. My best friend the person I have loved and been with for over 15 years now. What would I do without her? What would life be without her? How could I go on? How would I take care of my kids? How would they live without their mom? It was too much and still is too much for me to think about.

So as you live out this life, this gift given to you, remember that you only get one. That is is important both yours and those around you. Every life is important. We have this life and are given it for a purpose. We are chosen to live in a moment like now, and around the people that we are around for a reason. So cherish it. Show love, live boldly and with adventure. But most of all, don’t take it for granted. Love like you are dying and live like no one else.

Because we are all a moment away from Life and Death.