#GirlDad

#GirlDad? This trend has been something going on for a bit now, but it really hit home when one of the greatest girl dad’s of our time died in early 2020. You see being a basketball fan my whole life, I really looked up to NBA players and wished one day I could be one myself. I didn’t need to be Michael Jordan Lebron James, but couldn’t I be like a Steve Kerr or maybe a Steve Nash or possibly a Jason Kidd? Well the world will never know, because I never pursued basketball beyond HS. Yet I regress.

In early 2020 a basketball icon was killed in a fiery helicopter crash. One like he had taken many times before. Yes, I am speaking of Kobe Bryant. When I was growing up, Kobe was in his prime. He was hailed as maybe the next Michael Jordan. One of the fiercest competitors the league has ever seen, and a guy that many looked up to. Sure he had some mishaps, and he made a few big mistakes, but we are all human. I was not one of those guys though. It’s not that I didn’t see his talent or appreciate what he did for the game, but that he played against my favorite team (Indiana Pacers) and my favorite player (Reggie Miller). The Lakers even beat the Pacers in the finals in the early 2000s which rocked my world. So I was never a Kobe fan, until I heard the news of his death. I am not exactly sure what hit a nerve, but it did. Maybe it was that he was just a little older than I am. Maybe it was in the way that he passed away. Maybe it was because not only did he die, but his daughter did also. Though we lost 9 people in that crash, and it was a tragedy that should have never happened, there have been some good things that have come out of it. And for me, that was #GirlDad!

Kobe had only daughters, and was fiercely in love with them. He was the epitome of a Girl Dad. And because after his death I kept seeing the Girl Dad moniker all over the place. But I never felt like one. My three oldest children are boys, and my last two are girls. So I sort of felt like a fraud. I wasn’t like Kobe and didn’t only have girls. So I was afraid of saying that I was a “Girl Dad”. But I am! And I am proud of it. I started to really appreciate the time that I had with my two daughters, and enjoy their company, as they did mine.

Fast forward as we are coming out of this thing we called “The Pandemic”, and I get an email about an upcoming Daddy/Daughter Dance. I have seen other dad’s take their daughters to them, but I never have. My oldest daughter at the time was 7, and my youngest about to turn 1. So I decide, we are going. My oldest and I can dress up fancy, and go to the dance. I will buy her flowers, I will dance with her, it will be soooo special. Of course this was going to be an amazing night. But sometimes things don’t always go as planned. That doesn’t mean it is bad though. Let me explain.

We do get all dressed up, I open her door for her when she gets into the truck, I talk to her the whole way to the venue, and just make sure she knows this night is about her. It is not about my phone and it is not about getting the night over with. I wanted her to know that she is special and a princess and I enjoy her company. I think she realized this. The car ride was part of my favorite time that night.

We get to the venue, and right inside the door is where we pick up our flowers. I grab them and look her right in the eyes and say “princess these are for you.” I think her heart melted. Because as a father I always wanted to show my daughters that they are worth so much. That they should be treated like a princess, and if a guy ever wants to date them, they will need to treat them as such. They cannot get away with being a jerk, and not showing respect because they have learned what respect is from me.

The night was going pretty well. We had dinner, we took some pictures, and we finally got to the dance floor. But then it happened. The night started to not go as planned. We get to the floor and we start dancing, then she sees one of her friends from her dance class that she is in, and she leaves me. Enter sad face. As she runs away I start to think, this night was for us. How are we going to have a special night if you are not even hanging out with me? But I start to think about the selfishness of that statement. So I go sit back down. And as I watched her dance with her little friends I learned a few things.

The first is that as a dad the goal is not to be the center of my kids’ lives. The goal is not to be their “everything”. My goal is to be present, be available, and to be nurturing. I want to be there to pick them up when they fall, help out when they need assistance, and show them that I am intentional with the time that I have to spend with them. At the end of the day, I want them to live life with a smile. To have a joy so contagious that the world wants what they have. And what they have is not a thing, but is deep inside of who they are. So as she danced with her friends and smiled SO big, I realized tonight is becoming very successful.

The second thing I alluded to earlier, but I want to teach my kids respect. Not like do this or do that always listen kind of respect, but a respect for others and themselves that is bigger than yes’s and no’s. I want them to treasure life and know what a gift it is. That people are imperfect and they are imperfect, and that is ok. That people don’t have to agree on everything, and that is ok. That we can still love each other and respect even through our differences. But most of all that they should not put up with people not respecting them. They don’t have to be in those relationships, and can move on to find healthier and stronger ones. So tonight it was about the princess I was watching dance with her friends. And she got to know how special she is to me, and that I respect her enough to give her the space but be close enough that she can get me when she needs me.

Last thing I learned is actually that space was TOO MUCH. Hahaha. She got bored doing those dances with her friends, and wanted “daddy” to spin her around again. She couldn’t believe I had gone all the way back to our table. She wanted me waiting on the dance floor for when she was ready. She wished I would have been a little closer by. So next time, I will be there. At the edge of the dance floor, waiting for her to say “daddy, let’s dance”. I will spin her until she can’t spin any more. And I will show her that she has a dad that loves her.

So though I have three boys, and I am a sports dad and a wrestling on the trampoline dad. I am also a Girl Dad. Sparkling shoes, makeup and nail polish dad. Pink and purple dad. Baby dolls and Barbies dad. I am there for my children when they need. If there is one thing you can take away from this story is that relationships matter. Friendship, brother and sister, mom and dad, son and daughter. Relationship are important for our souls. Respect, love, and trust is the glue that keeps those relationships together. So go out today and strengthen the relationships that you have. Heck, maybe you go out and make a few more friends. But do so in love. The adventure is navigating the hard times of the relationship and coming out on the other side better than you went in.

So until next time, remember to Adventure Often and Love Always.